Telling your buddies you're quitting drinking is an excellent method to encourage them to buy you drinks at the bar.
Smell your palm after shaking hands with someone. You can be sure they won't speak to you ever again.
Lying on your back with your head hanging over the edge of the bed will make you look sick when you call in to work. You'll sound crowded.
If someone is obstructing your view at the movies, spill your drink in the seat in front of you.
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